Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
