Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
