So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
