I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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