and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
