Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize
