Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
