dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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