All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
