I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
