they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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