last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
