I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
