Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
