She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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