I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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