He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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