i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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