And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
