Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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