i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
