I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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