Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
we should paint friendship bongs
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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