In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
