JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
