remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
