No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
