if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
