Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
