took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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