oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
