We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My bed smells like the plague
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
