I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
