Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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