Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
