I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
