I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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