a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Randomize
