I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Everything about him screamed your future.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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