Where is the hickey?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
