he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
