i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
