You really coming over, don't trick.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
