For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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