i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
