I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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