I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
