Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
