So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
