I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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