His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
