she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Bring me that man meat
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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