Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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