SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
